Transformation in Three Stages

How wonder beholds mystery and unfolds magic.

Stage 1

It’s dark in here.

I’ve been trapped in this tiny space for almost 9 months.

I don’t remember how I got here. I have no idea what’s next.

I wonder if they know I can hear them. Their voices are muffled, but since I was placed here, it’s become easier to understand what they are saying.

In my small black notebook, I write down everything I hear.

The first conversation I clearly heard was shortly after I got here. They sounded worried, expressing doubts about what happened.

“I can’t believe we did this. What were we thinking?”

“Hey, it was your idea.”

“I know, but let’s not tell anyone else about this right now. Not until we come up with a some kind of plan.”

“Trust me, it’s all gonna be fine."

Months went by before I finally found out how I ended up here. They paid some man $20,000 to get me here. I still don’t know where “here” is, only that it’s a perfect nook to eavesdrop. And though they know I’m here, they have no idea I can hear them talking. In my notebook, I record their conversations. Also, I journal everything I dream of doing once I get out of here.

Listening to their voices makes it a little easier to be in this tiny space.

“I’m going to walk More Mesa beach at sunset, do you want to come?”

“Can’t. I need to finish this proposal for Dink. She’s shopping my book to publishers starting March 12. Take the dogs and say hey to the dolphins if they swim by.”

It’s quiet again. When it’s quiet, I write down my thoughts and dreams. It helps me pass the time and fall asleep. Before I nod off, I open my book write in pink ink. “Someday I will walk on the beach and watch the sunset. And dance on kitchen floor to an Emmylou song. And, eat key lime pie on front stoop after a summer rain.”

The next morning, a loud noise awakens me. The walls around me are shaking. This goes on for a long time. I hear other voices too. Then a tapping sound, like someone is trying to bust me out of here. In the distance, a beam of light begins to appear.

The last thing I hear, before I break free, is someone yelling, “Push, keep pushing!”

Leaving the womb, a new chapter begins.

Stage 2

It’s dark in here.

I’ve been trapped in this cold space for three days.

I want to forget how I got here. I have no idea what’s next, but I sense it’s not good.

That last gig we played, the crowd got out of control. A few of my mates freaked out too. And to top it off, my sideman who’s worked with me for three years, someone I thought I could trust, betrayed me last night.

We spent years on the road together, touring and helping people feel good. We had gigs in small towns, beachside resorts, and weddings. Our biggest gig was about to happen, then he bailed. For $20,000, he traded me, in order (and holy chaos) to go with another label. He mentioned something about starting a new career as a rock star.

My manager tried to warn me about him. But I was sure he’d never betray me or sell me out. A few years back, something similar almost happened with this other dude that I came across when me and the boys were touring through the high desert. This road life, although I know I’m living my passion, well, it gets hard sometime too. Traveling with a 12-man crew. All the crowds. My words anger some people. Crazy fans keep wanting to touch or hug me. And the traveling life, city after city, is draining my energy.

Anyways, about that other incident. We had a day off in Joshua Tree, so I sought some solitude, and hiked out a few miles. Just me and my small black notebook. Soon I found a rock near a clifftop mesa. I dropped into some meditation. Deep meditation. Man, it felt like I was out for 40 days. I was just feeling a good vibe, when some dude pops outta nowhere.

He’s going on and on about a lot of nonsense. Saying I should sign with another label. One that pays better and makes me a superstar idol. He made several offers, each one more tempting than the one before. All of which I refused. I eventually left him, and rejoined my crew. And, it was soon after that, this other crazy thing happened that landed me in here.

As I’m reflecting on that desert incident, my manager must have picked up that I need help, because suddenly he calls in. Says he’s going to get me out of here in three days. Take me off the road life for now, maybe even forever.

The last thing I see before we hang up is the big stone door rolling open.

Leaving the tomb, a new chapter begins.

Stage 3

It’s dark in here.

I’ve been trapped in this little space for a week. I have no idea what’s next.

This new job is not what I expected. The daily grind of my old job satisfied me. Steady work. Great benefits. Always had enough to eat. I had good fun with my co-workers. Even though we did the same job, I never felt we were competing with each other. Sometimes a local competitor tried to bust into my territory, but it never resulted with me losing work.

Wanting some change, I decided to try something new. My buddy told me about another place that paid better- $20,000, plus benefits. It sounds amazing, but before making another change, I decide to tuck in for a bit. Create some space to get quiet and reflect. Drop off the grid. Write in my small, black notebook. And thus, here I am now. I didn’t realize this place would be so quiet and isolated. Haven’t seen anyone else in a long time.

My intention was to just create a little space and enjoy some time off the grid. Pause and enjoy some alone time in hopes to get clear about my life and career purpose. And, dream about that new job with better benefits. But now, “just a few days” has turned into almost two weeks. My intended retreat now feels like solitary confinement.

Making such a big change now feels overwhelming. I’m doubting my decision. There are too many unknowns. My desire to launch a new career at my age seems daunting. Even one that allows me to travel more and enjoy more freedom. This all feels like I bit off more than I can chew. What I did before felt easy; it was a stable gig.

My thoughts hush when I hear a chickadee singing nearby. Her song shifts my mind into a calmer space. I feel encouraged by a memory of watching chickadees fly through my yard and land in the cedar tree. Suddenly, I feel a burst of excitement about doing something new. I am ready to bust out of my old shell and begin a new career adventure.

As I leave, the last thing I feel is an orange and black curtain opening to reveal a new landscape.

Leaving the cocoon, a new chapter begins.

Encore

A womb. A tomb. A Cocoon. All pen names for a writer’s notebook- a sacred space of transformation.

Just like a blank notebook, the womb, tomb, and cocoon are creative portals of wonder. They are sacred spaces of divine change. And, mysterious places where magic unfolds and stories are told. Where transformation births a new story. Where hope resurrects a doubting Thomas. And magic unfolds as each page opens, releasing words like a Monarch wings first flight.